The Moment I Choose Different

Look back now, with so much gratitude for the version of me who said “enough is enough!” 

In that moment, sitting on the floor w/ my sweet dog, in our super cute home I got to live in with the love of my life…

Having recently started a career that I absolutely loved, where I was helping people, where I could find flow in the movement and where I could make good money.

And sitting there, realized I couldn't get off the floor w/out using my hands, was more overweight, depressed and stuck feeling than I had ever been before. 

Didn't understand why I was struggling so hard when on the outside life looked pretty good.

That moment, I decided “enough is enough.” Was sick of feeling shitty about myself, in my mind and in my body.

Got myself into therapy… literally didn't say more than three words the first four weeks… All I could do was cry. 

My therapist explained to me, when we don't allow ourselves to feel our emotions, it's kind of like filling a soda bottle all the way up to the top… each time something happens in life, it gets shaken up. 

When you crack the lid to release some pressure, it explodes.  

This analogy, visualization, of a soda bottle exploding, just like my emotions, after realizing I had been trying to keep them hidden, tucked away for decades, was very eye opening to me.

Grateful for her. Even though she felt lost, really struggled with the idea of liking let alone loving herself, but who saw the glimmer of what could be.

This is one of the very few photos I have of myself during the “enough is enough” era. At Winter Carnival in the “Penalty Box” at the local brewery. Going through my old photos I realized how much I avoided the camera, feeling shitty about myself, unhappy and unmotivated, lost not feeling like I knew how to get out of the pit I was in.

Now looking back, I have so much gratitude for that version of myself… Who was lost and feeling so low.

And who had the guts to do the scary thing, to step way the fuck outside her comfort zone, to ask for help.

Because she could see a tiny glimmer of light of what her life could be, how she could maybe not hate herself anymore. But actually like herself.

The version of me then who could see a life was truly lit up, confident, feeling good in my own skin and grateful for a strong, able and capable body.

Where I could show up for my partner authentically, vulnerably, loving and create deep create deep soul connection with him.

Look back on that version of myself with so much gratitude, because in that time I learned a lesson. 

The most important lesson I think I've ever learned in my life and that is…

We get to know, grow, connect and love ourselves intentionally and on purpose. 

Just like any relation takes attention, energy, giving and receiving, the relationship we have with ourself is no different.

Before this time, and even for a while after, I believed loving myself, taking care of myself, putting myself before others, was selfish and negative to the point where I literally put everything and everybody before myself and ended up miserable, depressed and overweight.

In the park with the love of my life, best friend and life co creator, just before an art show this summer! Where we showcases our steel art and furniture. Nate and I run a successful metal fabrication business together, Creative Combinations Montana.

This is the same wonderful, kind, creative loving man I was sitting with that day on my living room floor.

Now I am so grateful to have learned the lesson that doing the “selfish” thing, is actually incredibly empowering and valuable for not just myself but all those in my life around me. 

I show up as a better me. As a better partner, a dog mom, friend, business owner, daughter, sister, human being in this world, when I invest the time and energy into loving myself, knowing myself, growing myself, showing myself compassion.

What would your life look like? Now? How would you feel, act, be different if you took a bit more intentional time with yourself for yourself, showing yourself love and compassion, honoring yourself and your desires?

Give yourself the gift of love, energy and compassion.  Practice it, even a little bit, each day.

Take it from someone who has been there and continually picks themselves up over and over again. Because I know just how beautiful this life can be and I know it can be and is beautiful for you too.

All we have to do to change our lives is choose to.

Remember, YOU are a badass! You are worthy, deserving and capable of creating anything you desire in your life!

In love, light and so much freaking gratitude✌️
Kelsey

PS Thanks so much for reading! I truly appreciate you!

If this story or others have been helpful for you, please share them with a friend! My passion and mission is to authentically be a light in this world. Whether in my coaching business, teaching yoga, practicing energy, or even ordering my tea at the local coffee shop.

Thank you so much for being you and choosing to read stories like this to expand just a little bit more outside the comfort zone.